At-Risk Youth

At-Risk Youth:  What creates teens at-risk?  Personal view on variables which may, or may not, influence youth and put them at-risk.

Just recently, I ran into a young mother with two young children.  She just started college with a goal of becoming a social worker.  Years earlier, she completed a medical assistant program only to become a stay-at-home mom.

At age 51, and a retired social scientist, I was particularly interested in her career path.  When asked where she wanted to focus her efforts, she replied, "with at-risk youth."  Our conversation was short, so I did not get the "reason" she chose this area.

Reflecting on my own life, career, and children, I pondered "at-risk youth."  Several instances have helped me formulate my opinion on why youth are "at-risk" these days.

HOME LIFE

I'm guilty! I had a latch-key child.  My oldest child was more mature than my other two sons.  And, because of financial constraints of being a young couple, our finances couldn't afford day-care at certain points, so Kris was a latch-key child off-and-on during childhood.

I had him call me at work after he got home, and right after he had a snack for fear he might choke and I would call him regularly.  One time, our phone was out of order and I took him to work and sat him in the break room because I didn't want to leave him without a way to contact me. My employer chastised me for bringing him to work stating, "this is a place of business."  So, I promptly gathered my son, and I took the afternoon off.  "The Boss" didn't like that either.  But, my child came first.

There are many reasons why children may lack adult supervision during their childhood.  Some can't be helped, but many can.

Addiction, perhaps, may be the largest reason.  Chemical addition, such as drugs and alcohol, are still the most common of addictions. But addiction can be any form of venue which has a strong hold on a person.  Internet, television, video game, and other media addiction is becoming more and more apparent as technology advances.  Social addiction, such as dating and partying, are creating parents who rely on parents to raise grandchildren.  And, work addiction leaves children feeling alone and/or abandoned.  Nothing is more important than feeling loved, and needed by your parents.  Plus, children learn by emulating those around them.

Big Brothers/Big Sisters is one organization reaching out to provide by-proxy role models for children.

SCHOOL

School can be the most rewarding time in the life of a child.  But, just as a coin has two sides, school can be the most horrible of times for children.

Bullying is in the forefront of news coverage lately.  Parents bullying children, parents bullying parents, teachers bullying students, any combination of perpetrator and defendant can result in murder, suicide, or a diminished self-esteem which could lead to chronic conditions through out life.  Left untreated these little problems linger and grown into larger problems such as anger, depression, aggression, mental illness, and addiction to name a few.

Traditional Teaching Methods

Children are born with certain personality types and learning styles.  We all learn differently.  Briefly, kinetic learners learn by doing, auditory learners learn by hearing, and visual learners learn by seeing.  Having children sit in rows in school rooms may or may not be the best method for your individual child.

A recent Facebook post made me very angry the other day.  A woman commented she blamed homeschooling for poor grammar these days.  I find that very offensive, as my sister, and youngest son have homeschooled.

My sister has continuously been recognized for outstanding achievement in various academic and career related tasks.  She was valedictorian of her cover school graduating body, won the highest academic achievement in Coast Guard Basic Training, was Magna Cum Laude in her BA program, and won highest academic achievement in her nursing school class.   And, I'm hoping my son will follow in that tradition.  My sister is a visual learner, my son is a kinetic learner.

Whole language versus phonics is another source of concern.  My brother and his generation, and my middle son and nephew and their class learned to read using whole language.  I learned using phonics.  Neither my brother, my middle son, and my nephew can read well.  And, their spelling is inexcusable.  Many people my brother's age I have encountered comment they have trouble reading and spelling.  If you can not read or spell properly, one can not adequately compete within our society especially since it is becoming so global a society.

High school counselors do what?  I'll probably get several hate responses to this comment, but honestly, I don't have a clue because my high school counselor didn't do her job.  THIS is my greatest concern for at-risk youth.

One month before graduation, my counselor came into our English class and spoke with us individually after a brief introduction.  I didn't even know we HAD a high school counselor let alone what her job entailed.

When it was my time, she asked me, "what do you want to do when you graduate?"  I told her I didn't know but I knew I wanted to be a wife and a mother who baked cookies for her children.  NEVER did I get any offer for career guidance.  And, I had NO prospect of a husband at that time.

My parents were civil servants, and didn't know what all was out there, so they stuck me in nursing school because "it would be a great job for a young, single woman."  I HATED IT!   After 20 years of off-and-on college classes, raising 3 sons, being married twice, working two jobs, I had earned a Liberal Arts degree.  What a waste of time, and money.

I went to my department head and said, "have I got enough of anything to graduate?"  He said, "Yes, you have a BLA in Social Sciences, and Humanities."  That was the first time someone had pin pointed my interests!  And, it was during my Master's program in counseling that I learned about Myers Brigg Personality Testing, and the "how we learn" concept.

SOCIAL CRISIS

Financial problems have always been around, but some times have been/are worse than others.  The Great Depression was just one time in US history where financial suffering was abundant.  The Bull, the Bear, and the Bust of the stock markets dictate how our economy grows or suffers.

For teens, "fitting in" is a fundamental goal.  Clothes, schools, purses, tennis shoes, cars, motorcycles, houses, neighborhoods, etc, can all be sources of jealousy, and bias for youth.

Teens lacking the ability to keep up with his/her peers, may resort to illegal activity to gain acceptance, and money.  Then the teens get hooked into a lifestyle that perpetuates crime leading to early criminal records or long term jail sentences.

Most schools have adopted dress codes and uniforms to curtail this social issue.  But, teens need to learn that through education, hard work, and successful careers, their financial path, and living standards are made.  Nothing comes free, and everything comes through personal choice and/or sacrifice.

Responsibility is an ideal that isn't taught much any more.  Teens need to realize they should take the responsibility for themselves in all avenues of life.  One should not blame anyone else for personal failure.  We are each responsible for our own path in life and by wasting one day, a critical step might be missed which could alter the course of our lives either positively or negatively.  Granted, certain conditions, such as recession, could quickly put an end to everyone one has worked to achieve.

Entertainment Industry

Hollywood has become a major factor in the decline of morals, and ethics in our country.  It teaches demoralization, indiscretion, a moral behavior, and other negative behaviors.  I'm not going to say too much, but between the music industry, and movie/television industry, our society is inundated with negative stereotypes, and ideals.

CONCLUSION

In short, personality, family, friends, economy, education, and religion play a huge role in our lives.  These variables either mold or warp our sense of reality.  At-risk youth are exposed to the same variables as successful youth, but combined differently these youth fall instead of flourish.

As parents, guardians, educators, religious leaders, and other positive influential people, we should take every effort to reach out to youth, be a mentor, an intermediary, a role model, an arbitrator, or anything which might positively shape the future of the teen in question.  You might just intervene at the right time to save a teen from becoming at-risk.

Mother-n-love, or Monster-n-law: How does your mother-n-law rate?

More often that not, the word mother-n-law conjures up a host of negative emotions.  Jane Fonda's infamous role as mother-n-law in the movie, "Monster-n-law" is an extreme example of what NOT to do to gain your child's future spouse's respect and approval.  

Having just experienced the 5th year without my mother, and ex mother-n-law at Mother's day, and their birthdays, which are three days apart, and the same week as mother's day, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and decided to share.


After many years of conversation with my dear mother, I recall her wonderful memories of life with her mother-n-law, my grandmother.  My grandmother, Lillie, had two sons, so she was extremely pleased when her boys got married, for she truly loved her daughter's-n-law.  And, as an extra blessing, I was born, the first grandchild and a girl to boot!  I, too, had such a wonderful mother-n-law experience.

Janice was sitting at the kitchen table at "her spot", and talking on the phone when I realized I had a friend for life.  The conversation in progress was with her ex son-n-law, Ricky.  "Her Spot" was strategially chosen so she could view her entire kingdom from her seat.  The kitchen, living room, front and back doors, front and back yards and garden were all visible with just a turn of the head.  "Her spot" was the envy of everyone because of its ideal location at the kitchen table.  The buffet directly behind her seat held everything she needed including her medicine case, her deck of cards for Canasta, dominos, note pads, pencils, and other daily necessities.  

"Her spot" provided many wondeful meal time memories, good food, conversation, crafting, and entertainment.  From nearly anywhere in the house, Nana Jan could be seen in "her spot"  She was a monument for stability, and my mentor.  

Quite photogenic, her vivacious spirit, charismatic nature, and pixie-esque quality charmed most everyone she met. NanaJan, we love you and miss you!

Horror Stories 

I've heard actual horror stories about mother's-n-law in my social circle. One horrible example was the case of the Christmas Stocking.  Ally, I'll call her, was married into a family that was like trying to breach an inner-sanctum.  All co-dependent, her spouse, sister-n-law, and mother-n-law wouldn't let her in.  It was so bad, everyone, but Ally, had a Christmas stocking at her mother-n-laws home.  According to Ally, she had tried everything to no avail, and eventually, the marriage crumbled.

Beth, another anonymous friend, is in a situation where the siblings are not close, so the in-laws aren't either.  And, the mother has Alzheimer's Disease.  She feels lonely and detached from her husband's family and most of her own family is deceased.

A Mother and Her Child

One truly can not appreciate the love a mother has for her child until she experiences it for herself.  That emotional bond is so strong that a mother would die for her children.

Daughters, please remember, the first woman in your husband's life was his mother.  That, you can not change, nor should you want to.  He is the person you married because of her.  He learned to love, work, protect, and provide from her.  

Yes, you should expect his priorities to shift after you are married, but don't make him give up his relationship with his mother.  So, striking a healthy balance early on is imperative.

"It's Tradition"

When you marry, you bring two cultures into one family.  Just because you did things one way growing up, doesn't mean you have to continue to do things the same way.  Creating autonomy and customizing tradition is a top priority when you first get married.  Setting boundries with the inlaws must be done early on in order to establish your family.  And, don't play favorites.

Just Don't Be Petty

It's so easy to nit pick and develop grudges. The hardest thing I ever did was let my children go spend Christmas holidays with their dad.  But, I felt since I had them all year long, I would rather give up one week than the other 51.  

The first year was very difficult, but in the coming years, I actually looked forward to quiet time.  I could shop after holiday sales, enjoy alone time, catch up on reading or favorite TV movies, or just sit and eat bon bons if I wanted.

When the children came home, I made it a very special continuation of the holiday and into the new year.  Special circumstances demand special people making special plans in less than ideal situations.

 Griping and Nagging - It DON'T Work!

In the event you aren't on good terms with your mother-n-law, nagging the spouse won't do any good.  Ask your spouse to schedule a time to sit and discuss things in a positve, rational, and controlled environment.  Never try to discuss anything right after work, when you are tired, just before bed, during times with interruptions such as TV or children, or when you are sick or hungry. 

Give each other the time to completely express a thought before responding.  Don't critize, interrupt, slam, or argue.  Rephrase to determine the correct interpretation of what was said. Think before you speak. Use a calm voice, with positive verbage.  Keep a list of topics to discuss.  (I wouldn't try to tackle 15 things at a time, but listing things you want to say would help you remember.)  And, using an egg timer can help with time limits to ensure equal time to speak and respond. 

One night might be scheduled to express the complaint, allowing a full day for reflection, and the following evening for responses.   Find a system for positive communication and use it as a tool for growing your relationship.  It's a key to a successful marriage.

Case in point.  NanaJan was a wonderful decorator, and had an eye for detail.  After a few years of mentoring on her part, I was developing my own style.  However, each time she visited, she would rearrange things and it begain to get on my nerves.  After discussing this with my husband, he frankly said, that was who she was, and she wouldn't change.  

So, I just changed my attitude.  We would discuss the why's things needed to be where they were, and make some adjustments. If I didn't like her suggestions, I would just put it back after she left.  It made her happy, made my husband happy because he wasn't caught in the middle, and kept my blood pressure down.  Pick your battles! Simple as that. 

Harmonious Living

You may never have a great relationship with your in laws,  or even a good one.  If you can honestly say you put your best foot forward, offered respect even if it wasn't returned, communicated positively instead of being rude and argumentative, and be consistant with your efforts, you will feel better about yourself even if you don't feel better about your relationship.  A positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine, and one day, it may break through those gray clouds.

Good luck, and God Bless. 

My China Pattern

Previous article written originally for Viewshound, and also published on AzICeeit.blogspot.com. 

Changes in shopping practices require discipline, determination, and patriotism! Patriotism? Take back our country by shopping "Made in the USA!"

ViewsHound Silver Prize Winner
By Carolyn Roberson - Thursday 03 Nov 2011

The word shopping tends to evoke a host of varied emotions within people in the USA. Some use shopping as a form of therapy; thus, the slang “retail therapy” is commonly used in our society. There are a few who detest shopping, and only run into a store to pick up those items that are absolutely needed. Window shoppers go just to have something to do. And, some wives socially shop while hubbies watch football. While my interest in shopping has evolved over the years, the need to shop remains.

Over the past few months, given the recent debt increase the USA incurred from a loan from China coupled with the near government shutdown and credit downgrade, my shopping habits have drastically changed. Purchases are limited to food, medicine, household expenses, and gasoline. Wants are limited to last moment purchases when they become essentials, like new tennis shoes. These changes are even more drastic than those I made a few years ago when the housing market collapsed and the unemployment rate increased.

Earlier this summer, I purchased a nice, inexpensive chair with a footstool to put in the sun room so I could sit comfortably with my niece as she played. While removing the chair from the box, I happened to notice the words, “Made in China.” I really didn’t think anything about it.

A few weeks ago, my sister brought home a snow globe of Aurora, the Disney Sleeping Beauty Princess, and to my surprise, it said, “Made in China.” This kind of sparked a teeny awareness of things in our home made in China.

Unfortunately, I have to admit, that I’ve been like an ostrich with my head in the sand most of my life. I trusted government to run itself. After all, our government was designed to have a system of checks and balances to keep itself in check. Local, national, and world news is boring, negative, nerve-racking, and depressing most of the time, so watching Wheel of Fortune, Frasier, or Ghost Whisperer was an entertaining alternative.

Maybe watching the news is a right of passage into adulthood, and at age 50, I guess I am an adult. I do watch the news and it is quite enlightening. And, I’ve developed a few areas of concern: the trade imbalance between the USA and China, the worldwide debt crisis, jobs being lost to other countries because of unions and/or cheap labor, and immigration.

For the sake of this article, I’m not going to expound on my ideology or philosophy for each of these issues.

Rainy Days and Mondays NEVER get me down. I went window-shopping today. It was cold and raining, so after lunch, the hubs and I went into a store. We were browsing around, and I turned a Christmas ornament over, and noticed, “Made in China.” “Hump,” I thought. The next item was a goblet, “Made in China.” Then, a cookie sheet was labeled, “Made in China.” The list went on and on of things I picked up that said, “Made in China.” 10 out of the 12 things I picked up was—you got it—"Made in China.“ The other two were made in Turkey, and Mexico. I ended up purchasing numbers 13 and 14, two Christmas themed color books at $0.89 each that proudly proclaimed, "Made in the USA!”

I’m breaking my China pattern; I will do my best to only purchase “Made in the USA!”

Made in the USA or not

Deliberate purchases of items "Made in the USA" is my goal. Shopping is time consuming these days.

Last year, I wrote an article entitled, "My China Pattern." This was an attempt to resolve myself to purchase local, American made, or as close to home (USA) as possible. With the economy in the USA having an extremely high unemployment rate, citizens loosing their jobs and homes, and social services stressed to bankruptcy, I was appalled at just how many items are "Made in China."

Feeling really angry about previous purchases in my home that were "Made in China," I vowed to break "My China Pattern." I have done this. A couple of things have slipped by me when I wasn't paying attention, but has been minor things like a coat hook for $2.50. But, all in all, I have done a wonderful job of being loud and obnoxious in public about my opinion.

My anger isn't directed at the Chinese people and lately, I have been feeling very guilty. I have nothing against the Chinese people. They are just like you and I. They have families who need food, medical care, housing, education, and clothing, etc. They go to work, and return home tired, just as we do here in the Good Ole' USA.

My anger is directed at the amount of debt the USA owes China. This is a political mess that has been made. Why has industry been sent out of the country?

This is a mess born of greed. Cheaper labor means cheaper prices. Everyone wants more, more, more for less, less, less.

Most recently, I have needed some new cookware for my new glass stove top. I wanted some yellow Paula Deen, but guess what? I passed. Yep, "Made In China." Good old Southern Belle, Paula, uses foreign workers and manufacturers. Okay, skip Paula. On to Wolfgang Puck. Uh, Oh, Yep, you got it - "Made in China."

I have spent several days looking for cookware in Sears, and Wal-Mart, and they ALL were "Made in China" except Better Homes and Gardens which was "Made in Brazil." So, I bought two sets of BH&G stainless steel cookware with glass lids! I love them.

Up next, I'm looking for a lighted makeup mirror. I used to have one years ago, and loved it. I don't remember the brand, but it had a dial so you could choose indoor, outdoor, or work lighting. I saw a few at Wal-Mart, but the Conair, and Revlon were, "Made in China." Guess I need to check out Sally's Beauty Supply. Any other suggestions? Wish me luck!

Disclaimer. (A few of you may jump in and start on me shopping at Wal-Mart. It is a rarity for me to do so. I don't like Wal-Mart, and am a very infrequent shopper. It's my last alternative.)

Book Review: Death Comes to Pemberley

Recently, Jane Austen lovers were given a new chapter in the lives of Darcy and Elizabeth of Pemberley Estate courtesy of P.D. James. Baroness James, a crime novelist, wove a tale of murder and intrigue in the family woodlands. Mr. Wickham, the prime suspect, continues his downward spiral to a guilty verdict for the murder of his best friend.

Captain Denny is dead, and Wickham admits fault. But this admission is due to guilt rather than deed. Young Alveston, the successful lawyer, who seeks Georgianna's hand, and heart, aids Darcy as Darcy comes to terms with the blight Wickham has left upon his beloved family estate. While ever stable, and older cousin, Col. Fitzwilliam usurps Darcy's authority at every chance.

The annual ball is cancelled due to the murder, while supposition and murmurings begin amongst the neighbors. Over the course of a year, the lives of those involved are stressed, and fragile. Will the Darcy family survive? How will their lives be different due to this fall from grace? Has Darcy made the wrong decision in marrying Elizabeth and bringing dishonor to the family name and status? Will their love survive the ordeal?

I enjoyed the book. I was able to piece together some of the clues and figure out some of what was happening, or would be revealed. However, James did throw in some storyline which totally came out of the blue. She did try to write in the old English formal writing likened to Jane Austen, but clearly, the authors were different.

Use your dictionary along with reading this book as there are words I didn't know. I would enjoy another book about Darcy, and Elizabeth, maybe even combining characters between Sense and Sensibility, and some of her other stories.

And, perhaps, the story of Lydia and Wickham in the New World would be interesting. Even the marriages of Kitty and her youngest sister could foster additional stories. Hey, maybe I should write one myself.

The Escape of Notions

Welcome to the Escape of Notions.

According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, the word Notion is defined as:

1 a (1) : an individual's conception or impression of something known, experienced, or imagined (2) : an inclusive general concept (3) : a theory or belief held by a person or group b : a personal inclination.

Some times I feel like I want to explode with things to say, and other times I have nothing at all to say. Should you desire to respond to any post, I would appreciate respectful comments, both positive and negative, as this is my personal place to share my feelings, ideas, and opinions. Likewise, I will do the same for you

Enjoy!